The Invisible Woman

You know this woman.  Most of you probably have been this woman, or are her right now.  I certainly know her.  She is me.  

When I had Lillian, my home church HBC, sent me this book called "The Invisible Woman"I have finally read it, and realized some things about myself.  Before I go on about what I have discovered, let me take you for a tour of the invisible woman.  

She goes by many names.  She is a Mom, a Wife, a woman who gives freely of her time. She can walk into the room, speak, and no one will respond.  She can make and serve a beautiful meal, and all that is said is "can I have more milk?"   She gets up to get the milk, no one notices, no one realizes that she has not taken one bite yet.  She is the woman who magically makes everything clean, she finds the missing laundry in the most logical place.  She responds to the demand.  Most woman have been here in one way or another.

In an emotional moment, with tears streaming down her face, she hears, "What is for dinner?"  Not, what is wrong, not, are you OK?  Just, "what is for dinner" Some days it is just "Can you find this?"  Can you fix that?"  "Can you do this?"  "Can you tie that?"  "Can you?"  She may have been trained to do any number of things. She may be a concert pianist.  She may be an accountant.  She may be a lawyer.  She may have a education, that she could use and be appreciated in, but she is choosing to serve in a capacity she may not have to.   She is choosing to be a working mom, or a stay at home mom, or a wife, or a woman serving in any other way.  She is a servant.

  

Here are some scenario's she encounters in a day:

  

She endeavors to take her brood to Target.  While there, she has one tantrum, one child fall asleep, the child screaming for a snack in the checkout lane, she does not have enough hands to get the Starbucks coffee on the way out the door, and she has to change a diaper in the Target parking lot.

  

She desires adult conversation.  She waits patiently for her husband to arrive home so that they can talk, and when Daddy arrives, she quickly goes to 2nd place behind the kids.  She is OK with that.  He needs to play with them, and be a Daddy.  He needs to know that they miss him, and take these few moments to instill in them the love and affection that Daddy's need to give their kids.  OK.  She can talk after the kids go to bed.  8 o'clock comes.  Kids go to bed.  Mom and Dad sit down for the evening.  On comes the television.  Out comes the computer.  She wonders can't we just talk?  But she understands that he is tired, and just wants to sit.

  

The Invisible Woman will play a game with herself.  The game is, how long can I go without cleaning the toilet before someone will notice?  The result of this game is dangerous.  You know how bad a toilet can get?  It is not pretty.  Neither is the ignored laundry.  Or the ignored dishes, or the 3 nights of frozen pizza in a week.  Either no one will say anything, or they will complain... rightfully so.

The thing about being a woman is that you seem to have servant in you naturally. Some are more prone to it, but it really does not matter if you are a working mom, a mom, or a wife.  Women in general seem to be programmed to serve.  Having that servant ability, means that you really have no real great recognition for what you do. That is OK.  Sometimes it is hard, but overall this is the mark of a servant.  

Taking that mark is what is difficult.  We so desperately wish to be noticed! The meal does not magically appear!  "Someone"  worked for possibly hours to get it on the table.  The laundry does not magically get washed, dried, folded, and put away. Hours go into it!   These things are only small portions of a woman's day.  If she is working, if she is home, she performs duties that no one else will do.  Without being told, or asked, and often, without being thanked.  

Now, I am not saying that these things are not appreciated by the people in her life.  I know that families and loved ones, are happy to have things done.  It just seems that these things are sometimes taken for granted.  It is just an expectation.  An expectation that for 90% of the time she will take on.  The other 10% of the time, she is in a pitiful state.  A state that is best described as loneliness, feeling ignored, and taken for granted.  

So there she is.  An official rut.  A place that she hates.  The place that she dreads, but seems to continually end up right back in.  What can she do?  Who can she turn to? Without putting extreme guilt on her family and loved ones, she is alone.  Or is she?  

I know you are thinking that I am going to tell you how God is here in this place with you.  He is for sure! You can turn to Him and pour all of your burdens on Him.  Who better to do that to?  The One who is always there for us and who we continue to take for granted.  Our Lord and Savior.  We should go to Him! He is there, and understands!  Go to HIM!  I offer though, that we are in the company of many others who go through this in many other ways.  Lets think out of the box for a second.  Not on ourselves, or our sisters, or our girlfriends.  

This little book called "The Invisible Woman"  went somewhere that I never would have imagined.  Has anyone ever seen a great cathedral?  I have not, and the only one I can think of is the Notre Dame.  My sister Bek and husband Curt have seen some.  They went on an amazing trip to Europe.  I am sure that they saw many cathedrals.  These cathedrals are the most amazing buildings!  They tower over many of the other buildings made in the same architectural period.  They were built at a time in history when building these churches took decades.  The middle ages.  Centuries ago.  These cathedrals are still standing.  Proud, and strong.  

Imagine the men who worked on these cathedrals.  To quote the book "the vast majority of the labor, the masonry, the carpentry, the stained glass, was all done by people whose names history will never reveal." These men (I assume, it was the Middle Ages) worked on a cathedral for their whole lives, and never were known.  They were experts in stained glass, carpentry, masonry, and get absolutely no credit?  Experts!  I imagine that they had to be experts to work on such buildings.   Some of these cathedrals took 100 years to complete. Many of these workers devoted their whole life to something that they would never see completed.  They would never see it completed!!  Here is what I am thinking in this moment.  I get it.  I can work anonymously.  The work I do can be done for other reasons than credit.  I get it.  But really, I think that we can go deeper.  *Please note that all this insight does not come from me, I read this great little book, but it has changed my pity-party perspective.*  I do believe we can go deeper.  I believe we can learn something from these master builders.  OK.  So they were experts in their middle ages fields. We know this.  Many of these men were also spiritual.  It is known that many Monks worked on the cathedrals.  There are stories about these men.  One story sticks out as astonishing to me.  A prominent man went to visit a cathedral as it was being built.  He was watching one of the carvers working on carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam that would eventually be covered up by the stone roof.  The man asked the worker why he was spending so much time and giving so much attention to something that no one would ever see.  The builder never looked up.  He never stopped carving as he replied, "Because God sees."  God sees.  GOD SEES!  God sees all that I do, God has called me to make disciples out of my children, God sees what I pour into them, and appreciates how I serve.  I am doing HIS work.  I may never see the outcome, but I am doing what HE has called me to do!  I am doing HIS work.   I do not need people to see me.  I should not be looking for praise.  I am working for God Himself.  God has given meaning to what I do.  He is entrusted me with the future in His Kingdom.  I am building His disciples.  My reward is not on earth, but in Heaven! I give my praise over to the Lord!  I should not receive the praise or reward.  I give it over to where it is due!  To God. 

I know that there will still be days when I feel discouraged.  There will be days when the invisible woman lives here.  There will be times when I just want to have that pity party, and I am sure I will.  But to know that I am not invisible to God is comforting.  I can go through life appreciating the sacrifices and service that others have given to me, thanking them for those things.   To know that I have a purpose here on earth. That purpose is Heaven!  Winning others for that purpose.  I know that while I feel invisible sometimes, it is a tool to help me better serve.  I can serve.  I can do.  I can win souls for the ultimate prize of heaven.  I can bring up disciples.  God has empowered me as a woman, wife and mom, to do that. God has a purpose.

I really feel like this is one of those topics that you don't like to talk about.  Maybe it's because it is true. But I know that for myself, if I don't call it what it is, it will continue to consume me.  It still may consume me at times, but I need to continue through it.  I hate the idea of being in that pity-party area.  I am there sometimes, but I hate to think about myself doing it.  I am the only one who has the power to allow God to work through it.  If I can't let my guard down, put my pride aside, and let God work, then something is wrong.  I have lost my purpose.  The very purpose that God has gifted me, when He entrusted me with His children.  This includes my Husband.  I am, after all, his helpmate.  If I learned anything from the loss of my beloved Dad, and sweet niece Shaelynn, it is that these gifts of mine. Ben, Jonah, Lydia, Fiona, Ruby May and Lillian, are not at all mine.  In an earthly sense they are.  I am here to meet their earthly needs, and live by example so that they may have their spiritual needs met.  But, they are not mine.  I give them up to you Lord.  I am Your servant.  I am willing to serve You by serving them.  Help me continue to remember Your purpose.  Heaven!  Heaven should be one of the easiest things to remember.  It is where you are!  It is where so many of our loved ones are!  I can imagine it right now.  Filled with angels and song.  Filled with Your disciples!  Paul, John, Shaelynn, Mike.  All of them!  Thank You Lord for Your promise and your purpose!  

I will pray today for all of you who are serving.  In whatever capacity it is.  It is all important.  I commit to pray for you.

Sarah