Monday, October 7, 2013

Pushing myself.

I need to push myself.  I have hit a wall.  Life, worry, not living up to expectations, doubt in my relationships, etc...

Here is what I KNOW to be true:

God. I believe that He is the God.  Above all else, creator of the earth, master of my heart and mender of my wounds.  Big, real, here.

God promises are true.  Absolutely true.  He never promises that things won't be difficult.  He does promise His love, His Son, and my security in Heaven.  

God loves me... unconditionally.  Despite my recurring sin that will never cease while I am on this earth.  He loves me.  This is often beyond my comprehension... Why would a Father love a broken, bitter, sinful, destructive child.  He does.

I am struggling to keep my head above water, clinging to the truth that I have secured in my heart over the years, yet somehow I fail so see truth in it.  God has proven Himself to me time and time again, not the He has to, but nonetheless, He has.  Year after year I see that truth, large and loud.  I see it! And year after year, I lock that truth in my heart and often forget about it.  I forget the basic, unfailing love of My Heavenly Father! This is astounding to me! In the 27 years that I had with my earthly father, I never once doubted his love for me.  I can recall times when I felt failed by him, that I disappointed him, that he was stern with me, but I always felt loved.  Always.  I never have doubted that because I believe it to be true.  It is true.  Mike Kelly loved me. Why am I doubting the love of a most wonderful Heavenly Father?

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  

Oh faith.... why do I doubt?  Why do I wait? Why do I not believe?  

And here it is.  By faith our fathers in the old testament were proven to us. Had it not been for their great faith, and sometimes the lackthereof, the truth that I firmly believe in my heart would not resonate so strongly!  
Hebrews 1 is full of these stories of honest faith!

Vs 4  By faith Abel...
Vs 5  By faith Enoch...
Vs 7  By faith Noah...
Vs 8  By faith Abraham...
Vs 9  By faith Sarah...
Vs 20 By faith Isaac...
Vs 21 By faith Joseph...
Vs 22 By faith Joseph...
Vs 23 By faith Moses...
Vs 31 By faith Rahab the harlot...

By faith we receive.  We receive love.  We receive joy.  We receive a promise, a promise that we must, by faith, believe!  

God does not promise that there won't be struggle.  Matthew 7 clearly shows that.  Two men were building houses.  One built on the rock, one built in the sand.  We all know how this turns out, but I want to point out that the man who built on the rock was not promised protection from the storm.  The same storm that washed away the house on the sand, poured down on the house on the rock.  The house on the rock had a firm foundation.  

I see my struggles.  My doubt, my trial.  Right now those truths that I have in my heart are locked in there because of my struggle.  I confess that I have not been pursuing His word, nor praying as I should, and frankly that is effecting me.  Through all of this though, I have been continually loved by a gracious, caring Father who sees through my doubt and struggle to my heart.  I don't know that I have ever felt such a love as I trudge through the muck and mire of life. 

My Father loves me.  In spite of my struggle.  The battle has been won. I can claim victory.




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